"Test-osterone"

Lately I've been feeling really "thinky" (I tend to make up words...). Really reflective of my world and the life around me. So many days I rush home, put dinner on the table and then attack my poor husband for the list of things that drove me nuts about my morning routine and how many things I came across that he does that drive me crazy. You know... how they leave their "man hair" on the soap, or just fail to replace the soap that they used the last of, setting you up for a bambi like slip slide all over the wet tile trying to find soap in a closet that HE messed up... haha and there ya have it; the perpetual avalanche of what he "COULD have done" that would make life easier.

Lately, I've stopped to think a few times of just how bitchy and ungrateful I am being. I mean really... we do split some of the monetary responsibility, but when it comes down to it... at the moment, he's the main breadwinner... I just buy the bread (good expensive whole wheat bread though! LOL).
I forget to realize... and yes all you feminists may cringe at a few parts of this particular blog... but in a sense I do sorta owe him the silence of just continuing on my day and not drawing attention to EVERY little thing he does wrong. After all... the roof over our heads, cars in the driveway and little extras are all things he is doing exponentially right.

I am SO lucky to have the bond that I do with him. The sort of balance that just sort of works. And when it doesn't.... like a teeter totter, we eventually even back out. And just like the teeter totter, there are times I just plain get off at the top, leaving him to slam to the ground. Uncool, but he does it right back from time to time making it "fair" (I guess). But it's the fact that we get back on, and continue to make this marriage thing work that is truly magical. (I know... "gag me with a spoon" cheesy, right!?)

In reflection, I have to change my perspective on something. I went into marriage super excited that nothing had changed. We said "I do," ran away to Quebec City, travelled a bit and really enjoyed each other on a new level. And then BAM preggo... BAM (way to big for where she came out of) baby born.... and BAM life seemed to take a VERY strange twist. It was like that AHA! moment that everyone talks about. Things just got.... complicated. Suddenly the concept of in-laws became a very "interesting" dynamic and played and VERY different role in our relationship. The way we were raised, the way we wanted to raise our children and just plain the way we were wired were center stage and not always in agreeance. We began to plot each others death a little more often than is probably normal (I can only assume that he plotted my death as I turned into a rather unpleasant human being from time to time). Overall... EVERYTHING CHANGED!
BUT....
HOLD THE SHOW....
There was a period of time where I hit the panic button. Watched a crazy amount of romance movies and dreamt of a husband that showered me with love in the form of cheesy gifts and well thought out plans. I obsessed over being besties with my MIL, SIL or just going on dates with my husband like all the damn magazines suggest. I freaked out thinking we were doomed for divorce... oh my gosh.. we just fought over the fact that he left the laundry out on the line to get spiders on it, or that he left a whole sink full of dirty cutlery. Or the ever annoying ignorance of the fact that my windshield washer fluid ran out mid mucky winter day... Isn't that a "husband job"?... It must be over... doomed... failed marriage...
AND THEN...
I have this real life epiphany;
Driving home from work these last few days I reflect on all that we have. I remember that I'm excited to see him after work and would be sad if he had to work late. The days and weeks he has to work overtime, I'm miserable... because I miss him. I look forward to watching Homeland on Netflix like we always do (A DATE!... sorta... take that magaizines!) and I'm happy I gave him enough S**& in our last fight .... that he will now take the garbage out in the morning. My husband completes me. He keeps me from going crazy, saying things that I will regret and overall relaxing and enjoying the bits of life that I should be grateful for. Kids haven't changed us for the worse... It has literally just made our little Family Unit stronger. Untouchable. Forever. When you get married, you really do become "one," and as he always says "Who cares about everyone else... we're happy!"

I love him more than he knows and am grateful for him everyday... Shhhhhh!